


the memories of you

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nobility, The Author Regrets Everything, for seok soon day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 18:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17106014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: A painting they saw, a little unfamiliar feeling and a sad melody as they stared at the big painting. The unfamiliar memories flood down and hung them on holding their wrenching heart. It was painful to bear. But after that moment, Soonyoung became bewildered with the presence of the male he met at the gallery which resembling a man from the painting. No one would know, the past repeated itself.





	the memories of you

**Author's Note:**

> from the start of this writing, i never knew the words would be reaching more than 5k (I planned to finish it around 5k). it's tiring and yes for my heart also, it's hurting me. because i listened to love in the ice by tvxq and my love by lee hi during the process of writing. so if you want to play a song while reading this story, kindly put love in the ice and my love. 
> 
>  
> 
> AND don't forget to leave your comment~!!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone~~~ also, it's early for Happy Seoksoon Day

Never in his lifetime to agree to come to the gallery if only Minghao was not used to be part of the dance team when they were struggling to finish their degree. Now they walked on a different path where Minghao owned the gallery building and letting some artist exhibited their creativity, while Soonyoung worked for a big company in Seoul. So here he was standing in front of the anchor-coloured gallery, he was in trouble. He was thinking a lot, whether he went into the gallery or not. Because he was not a person who fond of attending an event in the gallery. 

“Mr Kwon Soonyoung,” a cheering sound came out behind him, greeted when the visitor passing by him. 

Soonyoung pulled an awkward smile as he found the man who called him was Minghao’s secretary. 

“Oh hi, Hansol,” he cheered back. Then, the secretary ushered Soonyoung to go inside the building, travelling a path inside the gallery.

“You must be hating a gallery,” he chirped. 

He sighed. “Well, kind of—just not fond of this thing. Better to finish my deadline and go to dog cafe after that.” 

“Wow,” the secretary just has awed at him, “we have the same taste, but the gallery is good, I guess. Oh well,” he checked on his tablet then looking back at Soonyoung, “Director Xu has a purpose with the invitation because you might like one thing in this gallery.”  

The latter furrowed his brow, looking askance at the secretary as he followed him behind. “What purpose?” 

“I don’t know, he just told me to hint on that. Director Xu just advised that Mr Kwon figure it out alone.” 

Soonyoung nodded cluelessly. He did not know where to start searching his friend’s purpose on inviting him to an exhibition, besides the gallery was too big for his small-and-exhausted figure to explore by himself. He was already an adult man who still being afraid of getting lost in the Minghao’s maze. 

“It’s okay, Mr Kwon,” the secretary put a hand on his shoulder, “you won’t get lost. Every corner has a help button in case the visitor get lost by their own or they forget where they come.” 

He sighed. Minghao was a thoughtful man he ever met in his life. 

“Okay, thank you.” 

Hansol drew a smile. “So, I will leave you here. Once you get lost, we’ll meet again.” 

After that, he was left alone, surrounded by people who staring intensely at some photos and drawings he did not fathom. He let another sigh escaping as he took a step deeper into the gallery, passing the first hall to the second hall, he was fascinated with the drawings. As if it was real photo, it was drawn in detail. 

Soon after he arrived at the big hall with one drawing hung on the wall, like it was kept painstakingly. The drawing seemed so special, though in Soonyoung’s eyes, it was just two person looking at him. His eyes trailed a hint of the title. 

 

 _ **The Emperor and the Admiral Lee Seok.**_  

 

Without him knowing, Soonyoung fell for the drawing and drove himself paying a lot of time to spend looking at the Emperor’s face. In a second, he knitted his brow as the unfamiliar memories flooded in. Also thanking the sad tune playing on right at the moment, he could not stop the memories swamping while staring at the drawing. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

> There was an untold story about the forbidden feeling between a tyrant Emperor and his admiral general. They were developing the feeling since the first day the Emperor gave a position to a son of a lowly nobleman who grew up in the battlefield. The day where a lowly knight devoted his life devoting his whole life to the crown prince. It was the day when their lives began with so many trials that caused many problems within the palace. From the movement to choose a crown princess, to finding an empress to be the mother of their country, which was the thing that caused heated conversations within the palace and among the nobles. While the Emperor himself was more concerned about the conditions of the people and some kingdoms which kept him upset.
> 
> In addition, the Emperor never took time for the empress and the obligation to give successors to the throne. The Emperor only took the time to be in his room. He locked himself even only when he was tired in the room. The thing that could make him not shut himself up and meet the empress was Lee Seok. When he begged the Emperor to meet with the empress, it would be done immediately even the Emperor asked Lee Seok to see them up close. But no one could oppose Lee Seok because of his war strategy and defence in the sea that had made the area their power over the years. Both the Emperor and other ministers depended on Lee Seok's direction, but those ministers also hated Lee Seok and schemed for his murder by all means. 
> 
> Until one night, the Emperor called Lee Seok into his residence, and also a royal painter and directed them in the large hall. He asked that the royal painter poured them both in a timeless memory. The royal painter was shocked but carried out orders from the Emperor. Carefully and in detail he drew what the Emperor ordered. For the first time he saw the Emperor having a face that was difficult to describe than before. A face that held back sadness and anger. Next to the Emperor, the general had a sad-longing expression on his face. As if they both had sad secrets and wanted to keep this one picture for the longing in the future. When the royal painter finished his task and would return a few days later, the Emperor brought Lee Seok to his favourite pavilion. They stared at the black sky together in silence.
> 
> “Seok..” the Emperor called. 
> 
> “Yes, Your Majesty.” 
> 
> The Emperor paused and glanced at his general for an instant. He struggled in his heart. He wanted to act as ferocious as usual, where the behaviour never got complaints from Lee Seok as long as the thing was not related to him. But this time he could not be adamant and let the general escape from his grasp. He had to give up the man away for his sake, for the sake of the image of an Emperor and for the sake of the kingdom even though it also had the effect of removing one precious life. Seok wanted to emphasise that the Emperor could even be cruel to release one of his best knights to die for his sake, for his ambition. To kill all parties that disturb the throne and its interests.
> 
> The Emperor knew, that was the best decision. It was a decision that made him spend all the parasites that seized the throne and his kingdom, to the roots so that no one could fight him and oppose his decision. But he would lose a man whom he dearly cherished as if the general was his empress.
> 
> “Will we meet again?” 
> 
> The General looked at the Emperor, “I suppose.” 
> 
> The Emperor smiled at him. “Please come back alive, to my side. Although I have to kill them all when you are there, please come back alive.” 
> 
> “I will try, Your Majesty,” he said. The Emperor knew he was lying. He said an empty hope but for some reason, the Emperor was comfortable with that empty hope. He knew, Lee Seok would be killed and he might be too late to save the life of the most precious one. 
> 
> “I need you here, Seok.” 
> 
> The General knew, even one thing the Emperor wanted was only him. He also knew, the Emperor wanted him to live in the kingdom with him rather than risking his life on the battlefield. But he knew better, that this was impossible, because of his obligation and status as the only knight to be relied on in this empire. He had to risk everything. Nor could Lee Seok endanger his emperor in dealing with his opponents dressed as ministers in this empire. Even the Empress and her supporters, he was unable to bother the Emperor with his existence anymore.
> 
> “And I need my Emperor to be here, ruling over this throne and empire. If in the end I have to end up with _just_ a name, I know I would still protect you, Your Imperial Majesty.” 
> 
> The Emperor smiled bitterly as the night brought them deeper into the eternal invisible scar. 
> 
> In the end, the Emperor sent the general his last time farewell. With his big robe, he stared at the general's back for the last time. The Emperor prayed for the first time, _'if in the end we separate, I want to meet you again even though we must be born again’_. It was the last day the Emperor could see generals who were highly valued in living conditions. The last time was also for an Emperor to be someone who was tame in everyone's eyes. Because after that, a massacre was carried out against those who opposed the Emperor, whether it was the consort's supporters, the ministers, the knights who still lived inside the empire even all those who did not side with the Emperor. There was only sadness behind the throne afterwards. Then the sadness increased again when a subordinate of the admiral Lee Seok brought their proud general's body in front of the imperial gate. At the door of the grand hall where the Emperor usually meets with his ministers. 
> 
> Every year after the departure of Admiral Lee Seok, the Emperor went to the East Sea with the primrose flower. He would remain there overnight, not even a second to fall asleep. And there he left the world and went to follow Lee Seok.

 

* * *

 

The sad melody of the piano and the violin made him feel more touched. As if he understood what they were experiencing. The sad days experienced by the Emperor alone. The painful longing. The inevitable betrayal. If Soonyoung is in the Emperor's position, maybe he will hold the Admiral away from going. But he believes a lot of terrible things could happen if it is prevented. More terrible than before. 

Without realising it, tears ran down his cheeks. Soonyoung wiped it. He snorted then smiling. 

“I will come again tomorrow,” he said while smiling at the picture. Before he left, he took a last glance and wrenched his heart. 

 

* * *

Today heavy rain fell and winter would come soon. Now he was trapped in the gallery until the rain subsided. Not wanting to stare at every drop of rain falling to the ground, he returned to the room that had kept him coming for days even when the gallery was closed but Minghao let him in and out outside visiting hours. The room with the painting which impressed him with every detail that was brushed on the canvas. That room also always carved wounds in his heart. But this time it was different. When he returned to the room, he saw the figure of a man who was glued to the front of the painting with a heartbreaking expression. Soonyoung could clearly see that the man was crying in silence. 

Slowly he approached the man. “Hello,” he said; that was the typical greeting anyone could make besides him. 

That man wiped the tears away. 

“You okay?” 

The man nodded. Shrugging his shoulder, his eyes turned back to the painting. “Just…nothing. I’m okay, thank you for asking.” 

“You like the painting?” 

“Yes, I guess. But only this painting,” that man answered as he pointed his finger to the painting. Soonyoung smiled, at least he was not alone to like this painting only while there was a lot of beautiful things would catch everyone’s eye. 

“But the story behind is unpleasant to hear,” he added. 

Soonyoung agreed. No matter how much he came to see the painting, his heart was in pain after looking at the Admiral’s face. Now he saw a resemblance of the Admiral at the man who stood beside him. 

He cleared his throat. He was not bold enough to dare to ask the man about the painting furthermore. He just wanted to ask whether the man felt the same if they shared the same look with the painting. 

“But their love is beautiful, right?” 

Soonyoung was stunned. He never thought that kind of tragic story could be beautiful for others—well, anyone could think otherwise, but not that beautiful. It was a long time ago; there was no way to have an Emperor to dote at his knight. Especially when the Emperor wanted their painting together so he could recall the moment. The moment when his Admiral lived and supported the ruthless Emperor. 

“I don’t know if it’s beautiful. It is just…” 

“Tragic?” Soonyoung nodded. “Still it’s beautiful, he must be adoring the Emperor a lot.” 

Soonyoung looked at his mournful eyes and a pretty smile. He did not understand at all, yet unfamiliar memories hit him hard. His head and heart were aching. He held the man’s arm, begging to help him as his head was getting dizzy. 

Then everything seemed blackout. 

* * *

 

 

 

> The Emperor was used to be a prince from an abandoned concubine. He was abandoned by his own mother, neglected by his own father the Emperor, and humiliated by princes from other concubines. Prince Soonyoung. Among the court employees, he was a prince who was only accompanied by his caregiver nor his servants and remained silent in his pavilion. No friends, no guests, not even supporters who at least comforted him. Until one day in the winter, snow had piled up in concubine Shin's residence and he ventured to get out of his room. He silently looked at the white snow. For him, it felt beautiful, even when all the royal families stayed enjoying the warmth of tea and dinner, Prince Soonyoung studied in the open pavilion. There, he met a child from a lowly nobleman. The child whose entire body was covered in blood and sweat from the fierce battle against the kingdom of the West Sea. The boy showed his gloomy face to him, guilt covering his expression. 
> 
> Prince Soonyoung fell silent, his hands trembling in fear if suddenly the child was a help from the other prince and the Emperor himself to kill him. So scared of losing his life, he shed tears in silence, hands squeezing the tip of the book he was reading, his expression showed extraordinary fear. For the first time, he believed that he lived and did not have anyone even though he was a son of the Emperor. 
> 
> “Don’t kill me,” he whispered. 
> 
> The boy dropped his sword. He knelt before the prince. “I never thought of killing a prince. Forgive me, Your Highness.”
> 
> The prince sat down and he grabbed his knees. He held back his cry. If he did not beg for the safety of his life, now he might have been killed and no one knew the situation. Not even a caregiver. The royal guard would also not care about it. Every sob from his cry, he held it back. He really felt miserable. 
> 
> “Your Highness,” a stroke the prince got, it woke him up, making him show how sad he had been.
> 
> “My name is Lee Seok, Your Highness. I want to take an oath of loyalty to you.”
> 
> Prince Soonyoung was speechless. He just paused, staring at the eyes of the noble boy who had introduced himself. But inside he asked what the oath was. He was not the successor to the throne in the empire. It could even be said to be a not worthy successor to be the Emperor. Also, he did not want to be a puppet emperor for the interests of other ministers and nobles. The Prince was tired of being made an excuse by his own mother, concubine Shin, to become the Emperor's favourite. While his father never even celebrated Prince Soonyoung's birthday.
> 
> “My Prince?” 
> 
> Lee Seok called him in a tender way that impossible for others to call the prince like that. Never in the history of the life of Prince Soonyoung who called him full of tenderness like that. Even with the stature returning from the battlefield, that was something impossible. It was impossible for someone to be gentle with a prince who never even became an important topic in the Emperor's meeting with all his royal advisers. 
> 
> “You scared me,” the prince snapped. Lee Seok just giggled. 
> 
> “My apologies, Your Highness,” he smiled at the prince, “from now, I will be your knight.” 
> 
> The prince titled his head. “Why?” 
> 
> “Because I want to protect Your Highness and I want to be your knight.” 
> 
> Prince stared at the man for a few seconds, he sighed. He could not understand why someone who was not blood-related wanted to protect a prince who could not give a benefit. He wanted to know what motives that Lee Seok had hidden, but inside his eyes, there was only a sincerity. 
> 
> “Why? He asked for the second time. 
> 
> Lee Seok just smiled. “Because no one is on your side. When the others support the princes, no one support you. I know it, Your Highness. It is spread well, that you are the abandoned prince.” 
> 
> The Prince did not get surprised nor even upset. He knew his place. Yes, he admitted he was the only one abandoned by everyone in the palace. He was never invited to the royal activity. He could name every invitation and calling he got after he was born. This was so embarrassing. How was the son of the Emperor treated in such a way? Even this was a mockery for concubine Shin and her entire family. 
> 
> “Your Highness?” The Prince lifted up his face, then he got surprised with a sudden caressing from the latter. Lee Seok caressed his cheek tenderly, also pulling him and patting his back softly. 
> 
> “It’s okay, Your Highness. From now on, everything will be alright. Everything will be new for you, I will guard you everywhere, it’s not the Emperor’s order, it isn’t anyone’s request but my will,” he comforted. 
> 
> The Prince did not want to believe but every word the man had said, it seemed all true and undeniable. So he just nodded and tried to trust his new guardian. 
> 
> After that day, the news spread out that Prince Soonyoung had his own knights. It was surprising for the imperial family even among princes and their partners. What's more, this knight was the only one who guarded, being a tutor and a friend to Prince Soonyoung. Every day he spent with Lee Seok. Every laughter in the day and tears in the night, Lee Seok knew how vulnerable the Prince was. Then the feeling grew between them although Lee Seok always treated him like a baby to him, the Prince fell for him. Even to the day where he shall marry a woman and killed everyone who stepped into his line, he grabbed the man’s hand. 
> 
> He would look sharply into Lee Seok’s eyes as if he wanted to pierce the man’s soul. 
> 
> “Nothing will replace your position. Remember that,” he said in a plummy, merciless way. He shoved the man’s hand away.
> 
> The knight giggled, then setting right his sword. “My Prince has changed but your heart never does that.” 
> 
> The Prince glared. “I won’t.” 
> 
> Lee Seok nodded. He knew the Prince would change like this, the moment his eye looked different, everything seemed born new and the latter proud of that. Although it would be a formidable Emperor in the future, he offered his life as long as his dearly Prince would be cherished by everyone. Because he knew when a time the Prince had a feeling of wanting to be loved, then there was he coming for him, begging on his knee, giving a warm embrace. 
> 
> The Prince looked at the knight’s wrist. “Don’t lose it, it’s what usually the Crown Prince gives to his wife.” 
> 
> He snorted. “It’s worth a king’s ransom, I won’t lose it, Your Highness.” 
> 
> “If I become the Emperor, I will give you my ring.” 
> 
> The man chuckled. He knew the Prince would throw everything to make him stay but he did not ask more than making the Prince being the Emperor of this nation. 
> 
> “You should not give me that. Only your attention is enough, Your Highness.” The Prince only spared a glance toward his guard. 
> 
> “But for me, you are worth than my love. If you are in my position, will you do the same, Seok?” 
> 
> That man tilted his head, questioning of what he had asked. He was clueless, then a second later he smiled toward the Prince. 
> 
> “I will, I will take you to my side, Your Highness. Even when you are born as a woman, I will look for you and make you mine, Your Highness. You’ll be my Empress.” 
> 
> The Prince gave no words yet his eyes told how satisfied he was by the man’s answer. 
> 
> “You are mine, Lee Seok.”  
> 
> The knight bowed down to the Prince. 
> 
>  

 

 

* * *

He carefully opened his eyes, examining the surrounding and Soonyoung was unfamiliar with the view. He sneezed and wiped his nose hard. 

“Are you okay?” 

He turned at his side and found the man whom he met at the gallery, in front of the main painting. He cleared his throat, sitting up and being awkward of all sudden. His mind was still perplexed by the fact he was travelling time and place. It was still full of the memories from the Emperor. And it tore his heart apart. He could feel what they had been through as if it was his own memories. 

“Hey,” the man shook his hand. Soonyoung gasped at the slight touch he gave. 

“I’m okay,” he murmured. 

“I guess the rain is over and we should go home, you can go on your own, right?” 

Soonyoung merely hummed. “I’m Seokmin,” the man introduced himself. 

“I’m Soonyoung.” It was clear and simple. Then he tried to stand up by himself, but the wobbliness would not leave him alone. His head came back to feel dizzy. Hopefully, he did not fall because there was Seokmin who quickly to grab him. 

“Just get on my back, I don’t think you can go back on your own.” 

Soonyoung shook his head, he was sure he could rely on both of his legs but it seemed he had to depend on the help given by the man he had just met. Then he just climbed on the man’s back. It was the first time he had a piggyback ride. 

 

* * *

Along the way, he just stared at the scenery outside the car. He did not dare to talk to the man, even though the man now was driving him home. He was too kind for Soonyoung’s point of view. 

“Seokmin?” 

The man hummed. Eyes kept focusing on the road. “Do you believe in reincarnation?” 

“Well…not really, but for some cases, I do believe. Why?”

“…nothing, just asking.” 

Soonyoung was bothered with the memory as if he was the only one enduring the pain that Emperor held. He surely could feel the longing for the touch and embrace the General gave toward the Emperor. The memory itself told that even in the afterlife, they were unable to meet each other. So the yearning part was still being there, secluded away from the world and being afraid to be noticed. 

“Everyone does believe in reincarnation, but I guess, you are not, right?” 

The question which made a way to wake Soonyoung up from his reverie then his mind roamed again to other memories. Wondering about the fact, might be they should have been born again but the destiny did not draw them close, in case the worst event would occur in their life. In case they might make the biggest mistake. In case one of them never wanted to see each other again in the other life. There could be a chance that the General ran away from his Emperor, so he would not hurt him, physically or mentally. Perhaps he regretted a change in the Emperor’s way of life. 

“Just like your name, same like the Emperor.” 

Soonyoung nodded. “Well—by chance I did.” 

“Me too. The same name with them. You with the Emperor.” 

He blinked his eyes. “But I thought his name was just—Lee Seok.” 

Seokmin smiled. “That’s all what people who’ve heard the tale. But the truth it’s Lee Seokmin. My name.” 

Soonyoung let out a heavy sigh. “But that doesn’t mean, I’m the Emperor’s reincarnation although I share the same name.” 

He chuckled. “Reincarnation just does not work with different name and place. It also works with the same name and place. Some people also can travel the time where—they go back to the start line, the exact time you want to restart.” 

His brain suddenly stopped working for a second. “But many cases happen different name, different place and a different time. Whether you go back to the time where there is no technology, or you go to the future with advanced technology, kind like that,” Seokmin added. 

“No enduring the same pain from the past life?” 

Seokmin shook his head. “No idea at all. But people mostly didn’t remember what they’ve been through in the past life, they either forget it nor does want to remember the pain. They are reborn to make another history for them, making good deeds in the new life, everything to erase the pain and make the same mistake like in the past.” 

“…that’s good. If they have the same pain, I bet no one can endure it. Perhaps they will commit suicide, it’s just great pain where normal people are unable to carry on. Especially a pain the Emperor suffered, it was a totally great deal.” 

The man sighed. “But you will gain maturity, you will learn a lesson from the pain, right?” 

“You’re right, Seokmin.” 

Soonyoung continued on looking at the street. His mind roamed again nowhere, he did not want a longer chit-chat with the man, better to keep his mind busy going somewhere. And in the end, he regretted to get a free ride from the man. His heart was bothered; even just being by his side, he felt uneasy. 

“So, you live here?” Soonyoung nodded slightly, being displeased when he arrived in front of his apartment building. Time went slower than usual until made him not realising when he arrived because of how many thoughts slipped into his mind. Besides, he still put his seatbelt on. 

Seokmin chuckled, helping the man took the seatbelt off. He saw a pink tint covering the man’s cheek as he helped him out. 

“Thanks,” he spluttered. 

“You’re welcome, I guess.” 

Seokmin set his eyes upon the smaller man who tried rushing out from his car, taking his stuff in a hurried pace. He smirked unconsciously. “Don’t you want a help?” 

He stopped, hand still on the handle. “What kind?” 

“Walking.” 

“I can by my own.” 

“…but your head, is it okay?” 

“Better than before.” 

“Not want me to open the door for you?” Soonyoung was quiet, not wanting to start an argument with someone he just knew. Especially when someone seemed—too concerned about the situation and whatever he did. 

“You don’t?” 

Soonyoung blinked, stepping out from the car and spluttering ‘thanks’ in front of him again. Suddenly, that man petted his hair and a dumbfounded looked on Soonyoung’s face. 

“Rest well,” Seokmin said. He only nodded like a puppy. Then he sent off Soonyoung. 

For a while, Soonyoung spared a last glance before he stepped into the building. At the same time, the first snow of the year fell down above them, Soonyoung smiled at him. Somehow he felt indebted to him, though he never asked for a favour. 

“Go on,” Seokmin told him. While the latter was still staring at him, Seokmin waved a hand. 

Soonyoung kept on smiling toward his appearance. “Good night,” he bid a goodbye. He did not know why, he wanted to make the stranger stayed, yet he had no reason. Besides, it would be weird for him to stay a night at someone’s apartment. 

No--he had a reason. Just—it would be an odd request. Because Seokmin resembled the Admiral and Soonyoung felt so sorry for them both. For the Emperor to endure such longing feeling for a long time. As if he was possessed by the Emperor's soul, he wanted to grab Seokmin and command him staying there until he could rest his heart well. It was frustrating right now. 

He only stared at him for a couple minute, being confused about what he should have done earlier and regretted many things he did not do. He gave a last smile, bitterly, sadly, he had to leave the man behind. After that, his shadow was unseen to Seokmin’s eyes. On the day of the first snow, their meeting was ended without any possibility whether they could meet again or not in the future. 

 

* * *

The noise of the night was no longer heard, even though he was already on the banks of the Han River. There were only lights in every corner of the place that is affordable to his eyes and himself. Seokmin pulled one cigarette from his pocket. Today he would smoke and say the last greeting for a memory he had never lived. Memories of the favourite general from a forgotten Emperor in this Korean country. Also, tonight he would say goodbye to a longing that he had not understood all this time. And that was when he stared at the night sky, many nights with the longing of a plain person in his heart, and when he found that figure before his eyes; Seokmin let someone go. This was better than meeting someone who had a memory he never wanted. It was better to let strangers go, even with memories familiar to his soul than he learned about the piles of poignant memories and the beautiful and forbidden love story between the Emperor and his knights. 

He sighed. Recalling the moment when that man begged for a help soon before he fainted. Just like the look of the Emperor when pleading toward a mere boy who came out of the war while holding his sword. 

“How could I have the memory of the General Lee Seok?” He mumbled alone. 

 _Yes_ —he had a memory of the General, everything related about many wars the General had been through, his secret relationship with the Emperor and the remorse toward the Emperor. Marrying a princess who was the Emperor’s sister and leaving the great man alone in his palace was his choice, but he could not help either. It was his duty so no one would harm his Emperor by bragging his matter to the Emperor’s business. 

At the first time, Seokmin did not understand at all. But now, he understood. He understood how valuable an Emperor was to the general. How precious his sincere feelings were. He loved the Emperor very much from the first sight. The emperor who had integrity that was covered with the desire to be loved and respected. Thirst for power and throne that covered the innocence of a forgotten prince. Seokmin understood the regret of a Lee Seok who turned a benevolent prince into a ferocious Emperor who used his sword to kill anyone who opposed him. Also, he understood how the General Lee Seok protected and felt guilty for having the Emperor’s heart and not allowing anyone else to make his Emperor bowed down to anyone, even though that person was the Empress herself. 

Because Seokmin would do the same if it was him. The moment he saw Soonyoung, felt him in his arm, touched him and held him on his back; for the first time, he never wanted to trade the man to anything else.  

At this point, he fell for a particular man at first sight. At the first meeting. Even he was reluctant to deliver the man back to his apartment. Because seeing his back missing from his sight, Seokmin's heart was in pain and did not want to separate from him. Now, he was wondering if there was a chance to meet Soonyoung again in the future. 

“I wish to meet you again, Your Majesty,” he prayed. Albeit he was unsure if Soonyoung was the Emperor’s reincarnation, he wanted to meet the man again. 

 

* * *

 

It had been ten days since the last time he met Seokmin. After that night, he slowly tortured with several memories which he never had before. As if the historical movie played before his eyes and started to torment him. He never knew why he had to have it right now. Until the point he could not focus on his work, fortunately, he did not have many tasks to be done, so he could rest for a couple of days. Still— it didn’t work on him. His mind was filled with a lot of things. Even he had to drink some painkillers before going bed. 

 

Just like now, it was already winter and the snow kept on pilling up the street. Almost piercing into his bone, yet he walked out from his apartment, strolling the neighbourhood for an hour then ended up on the 24-hour convenient store. He slurped down his ramyeon and got choked when he saw a familiar man in front of the store. The man was waving his head and giving a goofy grin. His finger pointed at the empty seat beside Soonyoung as if he asked his permission to sit with him. He simply nodded. 

 

Seokmin was there for him tonight, sipping on his coke and said nothing. No chat. Not even a simple question of how are you. Just like the ordinary stranger he met on daily basis. And it triggered him nervous, a cold sweat dripped on his temple and Soonyoung needed to run away before he wasted his time on nothing. 

 

“Soonyoung?” 

 

He lifted his face, fidgeting his feet and pulling an awkward smile. “Yes?” 

 

“Feeling better?” 

 

His eyes roamed elsewhere. He was not quite sure what his intention was. “Well…better, I guess?” 

 

Seokmin smiled. He clearly saw it by the reflection on the window. “I never thought I would meet you here, lucky isn’t it?” 

 

Soonyoung nodded. “What happens? Do you live around here?” 

 

“Used to?” Seokmin tilted his head, “for a year and a half, so yeah—no longer live here, but I can’t go anywhere to find a quiet place.” 

 

“Oh, I see. So, how have you been these days?” 

 

“Not really well, my mind is distracting me.” 

 

He furrowed his brow. “Why?” 

 

“You. I’ve been worrying about whether you are alright or not. Hmm, it is strange, right?” 

 

“…yes maybe. You know we’ve just met once and unfortunately, we meet again today—here. Why do you worry me?” 

 

“I care? Don’t you think a person can be caring this much like me?” 

 

Soonyoung shook his head. 

 

“I like you.” 

 

He held his breath. Soonyoung blinked his eyes, checking if it was real. “What did you say?” 

 

The latter pulled his lips upward. “I like you.” 

 

He shook his head, again. “Oh. I like you too. You seem nice.” 

 

“I do. Oh, Soonyoung-ah—can I address you informally?” 

 

Soonyoung nodded. He examined the man in silence. He did not know what to do and what topic to talk about. 

“Still thinking about the painting? I heard that the gallery already has held another exhibition.” 

 

“Oh yeah, but I haven’t heard about it.” 

 

“….seems like you don’t like it.” 

 

He merely hummed, sipping on his hot latte can and rose from his seat. “Oh, where will you go, Soonyoung-ah?” 

 

“Home. It’s late.” 

 

“I will drive you home.” 

 

“No,” he snapped, “I will walk, it’s just a few blocks from here.” 

 

“I insist.” Seokmin boldly made a move, dragging the man out of the store to his car. They were in car silently, driving home and said nothing, for once more. And again, Soonyoung could not boldly speak towards the latter. He had no courage to talk to Seokmin, although the man kind-heartedly drove him home. Only muttering a thank you was enough chat for him. 

 

“You know, if you are interested, we can go to the exhibition. I bet there is no reincarnation topic there. You won’t go fainting there, and you’ll be safe.” 

 

There, there, Seokmin triggered his uneasy feeling. 

 

“Stop kidding with me, I never get interested with exhibition thingy.” He pretended to be annoyed and mocked. 

 

“Then why you went there last time?” 

 

“Go fascinated with one drawing, it keeps me to come again and again. So…yeah. That’s it.” 

 

Seokmin snorted at his response. “Okay, there you go. Your home.” 

 

Soonyoung stared at the road, yeah, it was the road around his apartment. He would not get lost, neither get kidnapped, but somehow he felt he wanted to stay longer with the man. A little longer to soothe his nerve. A little longer to fulfil the longing inside him, the unfamiliar longing of the one whom he loved and never met for thousand years. A little longer to adjust himself around the man in case one day the Heaven surprised them another meeting. 

 

“You don’t go in?”

 

He blinked, summoning his breath to breathe normally. He gulped down his nervousness. “Oh yes…just,” he hung the answer. 

 

“It’s okay, you can sit here for a while. Take some rest, if you want, I don’t mind at all.” 

 

The latter nodded, adjusting his position back and not giving work to his brain. He stayed there for a while before he bid goodbye and said thanks to the other male. Before he saw the car out of his sight. Before he got back to his apartment. Before he took a night rest and had a good dream, not the nightmare he used to have after the exhibition accident. 

* * *

 

a year had passed, 

nothing had been changed since that night; particularly, there was no news about the man, neither meeting by chance with the man he who met at the gallery. Life got back to zero. His life got back to the lane he usually used. Soonyoung did missing the latter, in spite of that, he knew he had no chance. They had no chance to meet like the accidental meeting in drama, that never happened in his life. There was no way, they abruptly met on the coffee shop when their fingers touched each other as if the drink they took, it was theirs. Never! It would be a nice hallucination and sweet episode in his life. 

Anywhere he went, he found no vestige of him in the town. As if the man had never lived in the same town as him. Even to the gallery, when Minghao’s secretary found him visiting the place, Soonyoung could not find a little clue of his existence. Though he dared to ask the secretary about the male, he only got an answer ‘there is no way we can find him, Mr Kwon, there was a lot of visitor during the time’. It became a mystery for him. So he decided to no longer seek him. He wanted to live normally as he used to have before meeting that person. 

_he tried…_

Soonyoung tried… _hard_. 

He barely encountered the day by thinking the past when the man was jumping into Soonyoung’s life and gave a ray of sunlight to his lonely days. He struggled to move on, naming the man as a short course for his life, yet the lesson he got was lasting for a year—almost more than a year if he really could not let the shadow of the man out of his life. 

‘Seokmin is solace in his ten days of misery’ he thought. Howbeit, the shadow of him had been lulling him from the nightmare. Because it had been a year but a nightmare of unwanted memories still harrowed him until now—if only Soonyoung did not recall the smile Seokmin gave to him at the convenience store that day. He knew it would be bad for his mind, heart and his own health to endure these moments alone. Still, how he could help himself than bearing it without asking anyone. Most people perhaps wanted to know his story, yet few only who empathise his position. Most of them might tell him to a psychiatrist, yet few of them would stay and make a good moment without adding any tricks on how to not get a nightmare. Well—yes, he found nowhere ‘those few people’. 

He sighed. He was helpless right now. 

His phone was vibrating now. He saw the caller’s name on the screen and quickly answered the call. 

“Hey, Wonwow….” He drew a faint smile to greet a friend. 

“It’s Wonwoo, you hamster.” 

Soonyoung snorted. He knew he could not beat that friend, for many reasons. And he did not want to have a debate with him. “So, what is it?” 

“Please accompany me, right now,” the latter demanded. 

He furrowed his brow. “What’s happening? Do you want to kill someone so you drag me? I know you don’t wanna be lonely inside the jail without me there. Your world is not-so-funny without me in,” he babbled. 

Wonwoo sighed through his phone, ready to hang up the call but Soonyoung giggled suddenly because of his talking. He was reminded to get back Wonwoo’s attention before the man might block his number from his phone contact. 

“Yes—I want to kill someone, that’s you. Great, when are you ready, Kwon?” 

That was his friend’s joke. That was Wonwoo’s joking style which shivered his spine because of his low tone and the seriousness. No matter how much they had been a friend, sometimes Soonyoung tried to show his crescent-shaped smile by his eyes towards the man so he could spare of his friend’s life. He needed to live. 

“No, seriously, what happens? Don’t tell me you have a hit-and-run accident?!” he gasped, “oh my Lord, for Heaven’s sake, Jeon Wonwoo, what have you done to the beautiful world of yours?!” 

Another sigh. 

“Seriously the man who I want to kill is you, Kwon Soonyoung. Just let me finish my word, will you?”

Soonyoung nodded, though the male didn’t see his silent answer, he waited for the further information. 

“My day is bad, I don’t know which one is worse, either you or me. So, just come here, I will send you the address. It’s new in this town, barely noticeable for people like us, I’ve asked Minghao and his secretary to accompany me. I guess they are on the way. So you have to be here also, enjoy the drink, the food and the performance, don’t tell me your boss gives you a lot of tasks right now?” 

This time, it’s Soonyoung’s turn to sigh. He had already planned on taking a rest inside his humble apartment and not going anywhere after the work. Now he had to take another bus to get his ass on his friend’s place. 

“No, I’ve just finished the work, on my way to home—but you are calling me right now, you ruin my day, Jeon Wonwoo.” He sulked. 

“Indeed, that’s my intention if you want to know,” he replied, “besides you’re already killing my mood right now, I have no time for a joke, so please be fast.” Then Wonwoo hung up the call, leaving Soonyoung to stare and blink owlishly at his screen. Perhaps he had to change his friend as soon as possible before he died at a young age. 

Soon after, Soonyoung got the message, instantly dropped out the nearby bus stop, looking for a taxi and wasted his money on this expensive transportation. He thought about asking the money to Wonwoo when they met later. 

* * *

 

It was a heavy pub, without a tight waiting list and any customer, he instantly noticed his friends near the kitchenette’s door. They were talking and he was left behind because of the traffic. He should have asked Minghao to pick him up, but no—there was no way he would ask that request no matter how kind Minghao was toward him. He looked around and waved at the secretary whom Minghao and Wonwoo tagged along deliberately. Soonyoung hastened his pace, then halting at a figure across from his direction. His heartbeat thumped fast, almost in scary tempo for him. He could not look away from that figure, trying to make an excuse to himself, trying to check whether it was real or not. That was Seokmin. A man he had been missing since last year, who talking with the unknown lady and leisurely hanging his arm around her and made Soonyoung green inside. 

He wanted to run toward the man; greet him, hug him, tell him the nightmares he had, and ask him about his day. However, Soonyoung was unable to do, unable to speak, unable to utter the words from the tip of his tongue; he was unable to confront him, try to be friendly as if Seokmin was his ex-lover that he had tried hard to erase from his memories. Especially when he saw Seokmin smiling brightly with the female, caressing her hair, petting her like the boyfriend always did. Soonyoung did not understand why he felt jealousy to see them together although he did not know what line they drew between each other. 

“Mr Kwon?” A simple tap easily woke him up from staring too long on one particular person. He quickly set a face to smile. 

“Oh, hi Hansol, long time no see…” 

The secretary smiled goofily. “Yeah, travel here and there, must be a tough time, anyway—you’re late and I’ve witnessed Mr Jeon’s wailings. Please arrive on time, I need to have my business.” 

Soonyoung nodded, letting the secretary to go to toilet while he went straight to face his friends. And yes, they gave a deadpan expression on their faces, along with their fingers fidgeted against the glass and they were staring at Soonyoung. 

He just gave a foolish smile, tugging a chair for him and sitting beside them. “So, what’s happening?” 

Wonwoo pointed his finger to Soonyoung’s nose. “You hamster, you and your tardiness. You’re supposed to run, not taking a taxi as usual you do when you get a call from me. Send your letter for your mom because she won’t see her son because I kill Soonyoung tonight.” 

He giggled. “Okay, sorry, but what happen to you?” 

Minghao dropped his glass, checking on his watch. “He’ll stay at Berlin for a year, he is in charge of the branch there. He is supposed to be happy, but sadly, he has to leave next week when he’s ready to attend the book publishing.” 

Soonyoung chuckled. He knew, Wonwoo was a determined man beside Minghao whom he ever met. A man that impossible to change his decision and his plan, also would be in misery when everything did not go well as he planned. He could do nothing, besides patting his back. 

“At least, people will be curious about your appearance, Jeon.”

The latter puffed his cheek. “Suddenly I like that idea.” Soonyoung grinned, proud of giving an idea to his dear friend. “So, how about yours? Moving on just like you want?” 

He shook his head, hanging his head low and not wanting to replay the scene he saw earlier. “I tried,” he whispered. 

Minghao patted his back. “It’s okay, time will heal. No need to rush moving on…” Minghao was about to finish his word but his secretary came back. 

“There will be a performance tonight,” he butted in. Three of them tilted their heads in unison. 

“What performance?” They asked. 

“Singing,” he shrugged his shoulder, “I eavesdropped a thing, I guess a man singing for his woman, typical romance.” 

Soonyoung let out a heavy breath. He did not want to overthink, guess or anything else like that because of that person. He did not want to hurt himself because of a mere feeling. 

“You okay?” Minghao checked upon him. He only nodded and took a deep breath before giving an assured smile. 

They came back focusing upon Wonwoo’s worry and listening the songs that the pub served. Yet Soonyoung’s eyes fixed on one particular person, as if he did not believe his eyes to see that man in this kind of place when he had been found nowhere. As if he was hallucinating to see the man, but the picture he saw was different to his expectation. After a moment passed by, he believed himself because that man was taking over the stage, pulling a big grin and holding the mic as he was ready to show off his talent. 

“I’m Seokmin,” a lighting had struck Soonyoung’s reality, it was real, “I’m here to celebrate a day where I proposed my wife, a girl who used to call Miss Choi Yuna, now she is called Lee Yuna.” The man giggled as the woman giggled and covered her shy face. 

“Last year, I’ve dreamt a good dream, having a good life with wife and child. Soon after I woke up, that lady was her. That lady might be reincarnated to be Yuna, but I did not think about anything else.” 

That line shook Soonyoung. The memories of himself was driven home with him, like an illusion he made for himself, Soonyoung could not understand anything at all. As if he made a perfect illusion that Seokmin was the man whom the Heaven brought for him although it was a short time for them to know each other. As if the brief moment they had, it told more than enough that they were destined together. 

Yet, for one point, Soonyoung assumed it all. He made a false hope for himself, because of the nightmare. Because of the first meeting. Because of the unfamiliar memories. At this moment, he did not know which one was his reality and his hallucinations. He spent a little longer time to stare at him, he realised anyhow that scene seemed familiar to his memories. Like he had watched Seokmin from far at the time he had not ever known, feeling down though he saw Seokmin being happy at that moment; just like today. 

Now that man was singing a song. It was a song that became his favourite when he was in college, at the annual campus festival, there were always those who sang the song from one of the faculties as if the festival was the venue for auditions featuring various promising golden voices for the entertainment world. No one thought Soonyoung would find one man who adored this song just like him and sang it on this small stage. But he did not expect Seokmin to sing the song before him. In spite of everything he felt all these times, he bet Seokmin might sing the song for his wife, not for him. 

The lyric vaguely was being recited through his ear, summoning the inner soul of him to bring him to another memory he wanted to know. 

 

_If it was me, I’d make your heart warm once more_

_With eternal tenderness_

 

* * *

 

>  
> 
> It was a quiet day but the Emperor stared at a crowd from a distance. The Emperor wanted to come to the event where the crowd was held, but he looked sad and felt uninterested at that moment. He turned to the figure beside him. Sighing and drawing himself back from the edge of the fort, he spared a last glance. Two lovebirds who were very familiar. The General he really loved with a girl who was the daughter of the Minister of Law Enforcement. Like giving strength to two elements in his government, marriage between the two people was carried out, in addition to other reasons, they were indeed lovers since childhood. The Emperor never listened to the story of the general's love and the minister's son, he did not want to hear it. He just wanted to hear that people are obedient to the command. 
> 
> And now, he was witnessing the ceremony and the people who were in support of both families celebrating a marriage there; he felt bad. 
> 
> “Your Majesty,” a firm voice called him. The Emperor turned his back, then he smiled. 
> 
> “Long time no see, my sister, Princess Eunbi.” 
> 
> By a sudden meeting, he left the scene along with accompaniment from the princess he almost killed if she did not obey his order and live quietly. Nevertheless, the scene from the morning kept him awake that night although he stayed out his chamber and never let anyone meet him except his eunuch. Even the General himself. 
> 
> For a month, he worked inside his chamber and the library alone. Eunuchs and royal servant were permitted to leave the meal when he was still in the library. Every work he dealt that time, he did it alone without being intervened by other faction and any ministers’ opinion. Thankfully, everything went well. Until his mind calmed down from the ceremony, he did not spare a meet to the General, the Empress and other ministers as well. He secluded himself for his sake, to not let the inner beast ruined his relationship with the old friend whom he adored until now. 
> 
> After that, his life got back to normal and let anyone paid a visit, even the Empress herself. The Emperor got himself back to the normal, being the Emperor he used to be who favoured the General and kept him close to him. Until the Emperor lost the dear General for the last battle and he met a promised Crown Prince from Ming dynasty. At one time, he welcomed his offer to meet casually, without the eyes of the Emperor’s servants and the swords at the Crown Prince’s visit. 
> 
> The Emperor kept the offer. He made the visit as the Crown Prince wanted. They were protected from far away. None knew the purpose of the Crown Prince’s offer, only the Emperor himself had a chance to know his purpose in the end. 
> 
> The Crown Prince dropped his glass, pouring the warm tea again into his cup and pulling a warm smile toward a cold Emperor. “I have no bad intention to your empire, Your Majesty,” he said, graciously fished out a small napkin and handed it to the Emperor. 
> 
> “I know Your Majesty probably cherishes this one, your general give it to me,” he added, carefully paid attention to the Emperor’s act, “I hope you will stop resenting everything in this world, Your Majesty.” 
> 
> “…it’s your reason to drop the sword out of our meeting?” 
> 
> The Crown Prince nodded, curtly according to the Empire’s custom but he seemed did not mind at all if the Emperor would kill him for not respecting him that way. 
> 
> “You steal the ring from him?” 
> 
> The Crown Prince shook his head elegantly. “My sincere apologies, Your Majesty, but there’s no way a humble servant like me to kill an important person for you. The General gave it to me before he left for the last battle.” 
> 
> The Emperor squinted at him. “How?”
> 
> “…the General talked a lot about you. He felt sorry for you—for betraying your attention, marrying the daughter of your enemy and forcing you to agree with his stance. He did not want you to live like this.” 
> 
> “He has no responsibility regarding my life.” 
> 
> He firmly nodded, at some points, he agreed to the Emperor’s word. “Objectively I do have the same thought, but Your Majesty…he regretted everything—he regretted to change you. I’ve heard a lot of tidings about your power and how you rule this big empire, it’s impressive.” 
> 
> The Emperor read the atmosphere, he knew it really well. He understood how much people would jeer at his control over the empire and its people. Yet, it did not bug him. 
> 
> “…but,” the Crown Prince paused, sipping his drink and chuckled, “don’t resent anyone, I know it’s not my place to say that.” 
> 
> The Emperor quietly gave time for the Crown Prince to explain himself. He was not in a mood of killing anyone today, so he would prefer to sit and listen to his story now. Then the Emperor kept on listening to all stories which the Crown Prince told; he paid a lot of attention to his talking. Till to one point where he looked away and stared at the ring he held, the Crown Prince halted in mid-sentence. 
> 
> “…Your Majesty?” 
> 
> As if he was caught for not paying attention to his lesson, the Emperor suited his position back. “Do you really think I adore him a little much?” 
> 
> The Crown Prince titled his head. “More than you think, I guess—you spoil him a little much than I spoil my wife than you spoil your wife.” 
> 
> “Because he was my mentor—since I was a child who got neglected by anyone in this empire. He has been there but the Empress has not been there…” 
> 
> “But you fall in love with your mentor, Your Majesty—it was wrong since the first place, right?” 
> 
> “…I don’t love him anymore, right?” 
> 
> The Crown Prince suddenly felt pity for him. He could read the Emperor’s true feeling through his eyes. Through the dark hazel eyes of the Emperor, he understood how much the Emperor depended on his right-hand man until he fell for him. 
> 
> “You are still in love with him, Your Majesty, although you can’t have him and his heart doesn’t belong to you. You still love him the same way you did in the past.” 
> 
> The Emperor clenched his fist. Inside his fist, he clearly could feel the ring that he had given to the General but it was given back to his hand after the General’s departure. Whether it was a betrayal from his loyalty throughout the years they had been together or it was his way of saying goodbye to him. 
> 
> “…I know. I can not have him.” 
> 
> “Forget him, Your Majesty,” the Crown Prince begged, “forgive him if he can’t reply your love until his last breath.” 
> 
> “I can’t, even if you beg.” 
> 
> “Then if you are born again, forget him.” Then the Crown Prince raised up from his seat, bowing politely towards the Emperor. 
> 
> There was no reply, not a single word came out from the Emperor's mouth. He just stared at the chair that had been occupied by the Crown Prince with a blank stare. His heart was so in pain to hear the request from the Crown Prince but he could not heed the request. As if in the lifetime of the Emperor, the request was very impossible. He did not know if he could forget the general if he was born again. If one day they met again, the Emperor just stared at his beloved general. Whether they would not know each other. This life. This choice. His destiny became a curse for his heart. For the end of his life. Even at the end, no one was at his side.
> 
> His life started to be forgotten, abandoned, neglected. No one even visited him and greeted for being born to this world. No one taught him to live inside the palace. No one talked to him, as if he was never needed in the palace. Then after he gained the dragon throne, no one needed him. They chased him because he had the power. They respected him just because he was the ferocious Emperor who knew no mercy. Even the general himself, he should have realised, the general has pitied him for everything the Emperor had been through. 
> 
> “My Prince,” he shouted. 
> 
> The Crown Prince turned his back from afar. He bowed again, then heading back to the Emperor’s side. “Yes, Your Majesty.” 
> 
> Soon after, they waited for a while before the Emperor handed back the ring. “Keep it for me. Keep it two of it.” He removed the ring from his finger and handed it to the hands of the Crown Prince. 
> 
> The younger male looked at him baffled. 
> 
> “Take my sister’s daughter as your consort, she’s not safe here, not even inside my palace. Take her away from me, love her as your sister. I know you are a great man.” 
> 
> “Your Majesty…” 
> 
> “People are power sucker here, please teach her to not have a son like me. Please love your sons and daughters so they won’t grow up like me.” 
> 
> “Your Majesty is a great man too,” the Crown Prince, “but I can’t do that.” 
> 
> Unlike what he used to do, the Emperor did not pick a fight. He put a hand upon the Crown Prince’s shoulder, patting him absent-mindedly. “Then keep the rings for me, it’s what you have to do. If we are born again, if we meet again, you may give it back to me,” he stated, “at that time, I hope I can grant your request.” 
> 
> Then he left, passing the Crown Prince and headed back to the palace with a heavy heart. Although a burden in his heart had left, another burden came instantly to refill the emptiness. There, he wished, if they met again, even though his heart yearned for the man so much, the Emperor wanted to forget him. Even in the end, it was the hardest thing he would do. 
> 
>  

* * *

It was a really tiring night. In his hand were two unusual rings. Soonyoung knew. These two rings were a curse for him. No - this was not a curse for him, this was a curse for the Emperor. When Minghao gave these two rings to him, his friend apologised. Because of his invitation, Soonyoung had to find a man who apparently already had a partner. Because of his invitation, Soonyoung fell in love with Seokmin. And for a year, he searched without answers. After a year, the harsh reality that must be received. Minghao knew he should not be like this to his best friend. He should not hurt Soonyoung like this. Even though Soonyoung knew, this was the fate he had to go through, he faced and he had to take responsibility. Maybe there was a point, the Emperor transformed into a man named Kwon Soonyoung and was given a gift by Heaven to meet his general again. But one thing, he was unable to stop falling for the general.

The Emperor also could not cease away the yearning. Soonyoung knew and felt the same. He understood the feeling. Since they shared the same feeling. The painful fate that yearned someone they were unable to have. Someone who took their heart away without giving them a painkiller because of the scars. Soonyoung stared into the night sky. He suddenly recalled a moment when he came to Seokmin after his performance at that pub, congratulated him for his happy wedding and got acquainted with his wife.  Then Soonyoung let them go home. When he saw the back view of Seokmin, snow was falling. 

And it did not stop snowing until now. 

That man looked again at the two rings. He smiled bitterly. "Even now, you can't have him, Your Majesty," he said quietly. 

A shadow of the Emperor flashed before his eyes. The man gave a sad smile yet it felt relieved. Because Soonyoung saw no regret in his stare. Only yearning remained there. 

The Emperor spoke but Soonyoung could not hear it. In spite of that, he read from the lips' move, the Emperor said sorry to him. Because of his greed, Soonyoung had to go through the waiting. He encountered Seokmin and the memories of the past. He went through the suffering of longing someone he met for a brief moment. He loved someone he could not have. 

Soonyoung shook his head. Smiling back at the Emperor, he said, "don't be hurt next time, let him go—don’t meet him anymore. Don't fall in love with him. Don’t be reborn— _even_ when you miss him so much…” he choked a tear, “don’t try to hurt yourself, Your Majesty, because he may no longer remember you.” 

The  Emperor nodded then he disappeared with the winter breeze. Soonyoung let out a sigh for the last time. He put back the rings into his pocket before he went to bed. Tonight he dreamed nothing and slept soundly. As if the burden from his heart was faded away and left voidness. However, Soonyoung did not mind it all. He was alright. Even though once again Seokmin or Lee Seok were happy with someone else which was not him, he was fine. At least, he did not need to force him to like him. What was the Emperor did in the past to let go the General married someone else, he did the same. It was a proper thing. 

Just. He wished to not meet Seokmin in the future. By chance or not, he wanted to live a peaceful life where not hurting himself again. No missing a person he could not have. 

**Author's Note:**

> the song seokmin sings in the story is love in the ice by tvxq... (the japanese version) 
> 
> ANYWAY, forgive the grammartical error ^^


End file.
